Birthday Message #3 - The Power of Happiness

-- By Arulnambi K.

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Happiness begets happiness.

My father understood that most human pursuits have the ultimate goal of attaining happiness. But he did not see happiness as just an end goal. He was an authority on relaxation techniques that could put one's mind and body in a relaxed state and help relieve stress, combat and prevent various ailments, and generally tackle the daily stresses and tensions of modern living. One of the techniques he practiced and taught was to use the recollection of the happy events in one's life, however big or small, as a method to relax, put one's mind at ease, and reinforce and relive the positive feelings stemming from those events.

He writes in an email titled 'Practices for Happiness':

I miss my grandson so much but many times recollect vividly and enjoy his joy of kuttikaranams(*), his falling on my body with laughter, etc. Do practice: The happiest occasions of your life should be often relived for a few minutes. It is the best relaxation.

[ (*) Kuttikaranams (Tamil) - somersaults]

There are many relaxation techniques but this is one of the easiest to practice and very pleasurable too. Who would not want to ponder the happy moments of their life? My father emphasized regular practice even when one is not particularly stressed or unhappy. This practice would make it easier to train one's mind to turn away from unhappy or unsettling thoughts and be drawn naturally to the positive and good feelings that result from the recollection of a happy occasion.

My father practiced the recollection of his happy moments regularly. It came naturally to him as he was a very positive-minded person. He never failed to share his happy moments with his family and friends. In his later years, he also recorded them in his diaries. Below are some of those moments.

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In 2005, when he was 3-4 years old, my son spent a few months with my parents in India. My father's email recollects the experience of the first train ride they had with him:

Dear Kannus,             

Your Amma has never allowed me the window seat and nature watching. But my grandson snatched the seat, watched nature and enjoyed his first train journey. He even prevented her looking through the window. I ENJOYED, and she also enjoyed. Adhiban enjoyed his lollipop and gave half to his Aatha and made her eat it. We enjoyed as these are the happy moments of our life. Life gives lots of pleasures. Let us learn to recognize and enjoy them.

With love - Appa

[Tamil: Amma - Mom, Appa - Dad, Aatha - Grandma]

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In an email to my wife in 2006, he writes:

Dear Pavikkannu , in my training programs, I used to ask the participants the happy occasions in their life. Individuals vary, hence there are many varied happy occasions. On 19th August, 2006, I  experienced one of the happiest occasions in my life as you so vividly described your thinking, attitudes and behaviors due to your self-learning based on life experiences. I am the happiest father-in-law today.

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Subhash Meena is a young psychologist from Jodhpur, Rajasthan. My father started interacting with him in 2013 after being impressed by his research papers. Mr. Meena says that my father became his mentor and godfather within a very short period. They met for the first time during the IAAP (Indian Academy of Applied Psychology) Conference in 2014. From my father's notes on attending the conference:

My happiness during the 49th IAAP Conference (March 2-4, 2014):
1. Mr. Subhash Meena getting the Young Scientist Award.

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[My 2013 birthday greeting to my father]

My father met life's challenges with positive thinking, reinforcing himself with recollections of the happy occasions, however small. He was devastated when he lost his parents, but he recovered from those losses and emerged a stronger man by recollecting the happy memories of his life with them and the lessons he had learnt from them.

But there was one loss he could not recover from. My mother passing away after much suffering proved to be too much. Outwardly, he seemed to be starting to deal with the loss of his wife with his customary action-oriented and positive mindset. But death had already been stalking him in the form of an ignored danger signal to his health. On March 15, 2015, just over a month after the passing of my mother, my father - the eternal optimist who feared nothing, not even death - breathed his last, alone in his home. The way he died - unexpectedly, alone just during those last hours - haunts me daily. Was he in pain? What were his final thoughts, as his heart seized up and gave out? Such questions wander as shadows in my mind. But again, even in death, his message of happiness rings loud and clear, and I climb out of those dark recesses, holding onto the wealth of good thoughts he left behind, etched for posterity in my heart.

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