In the Tears of Friends and Strangers

 -- By Arulnambi K.

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The girl sat and cried quietly.

Her tears were silent, but abundant and pained. Her relative and well wisher, Mr. P. Rajavelu, lawyer by profession, sat next to her. He was telling me about how he had introduced her to my late father and how he can helped her gain control of her life when she was going through some trials and tribulations. The girl smiled wanly at me. Her tears kept coming even though she was making a valiant attempt to control them.

Just who was this girl, one would wonder? What did that man, who was now dead and quite still inside his box of ice and cold, mean to her or give to her that she was so overcome with grief - the sort of grief that is normally reserved for one's own flesh and blood or lifelong friend? I had certainly never set eyes on this girl before in my life. But if you knew my Appa like I did, as many of you reading this probably did, you would not be surprised that he had moved this young stranger to such tears - tears of gratitude, grief and loss - in the relatively short time he had known her.

Two days after my father, Dr. K. V. Kaliappan, had passed suddenly from this world, I was at our home in Chennai, receiving a steady stream of visitors. They were mostly friends, acquaintances, former colleagues and students of Appa. To many of them, he was a father figure, friend, guide, mentor, therapist, teacher, and untold other descriptions which do not seem to do justice to the value they had placed in his presence, words and deeds, and the many ways he had influenced their lives.

That day and the following days and weeks, I was witness to many more tears, such as those of Mr. Rajavelu, perhaps my father's closest friend in the last decade of his life. He visited soon after I had arrived in Chennai, walked up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and shook with grief. I had no words to console him. Then there was Senthil Athiban, one of Appa's students but in many ways an adopted son,  who could only appear briefly in public during that time due to his own health battles. He was so shattered that other friends had to advise him to pull himself together for the sake of his own health. There were many others, such as the lady, another stranger to me, who called a few days later to talk to my father without knowing that he had passed away. He had been her counsellor and father figure during a period of great personal loss and suffering in her life. When I broke the news to her, her reaction was heartbreaking. She suddenly seemed utterly lost and alone. There was Mr. Lal, my father's friend and tenant, who dropped by after being away for a few days, and literally turned ice-cold to my touch when he heard the news.

Those days immediately after my father's death, we as a family often seemed to be bystanders to the deep sense of grief and loss that pervaded the hearts of those who had been touched so profoundly by Appa. But in the tears of those friends and strangers, I saw his greatness.

His nature was to go out of his way to help those he saw as good people, who, by his definition, had sound human values, talents, concern for the well-being of others, and were willing to work for their betterment. His chosen subject of psychology, and his expertise in the areas of psychology that could be applied for the benefit of the individual and the community, were his prime instruments to bring about positive change in the lives of those he chose to help in that uninhibited way. His help was not shallow, made up of material things or empty advice. He sought to help those good people with great depth of understanding and empathy, and honest counsel and techniques born of his profession that sought to change them from the inside out to be better human beings. In short, he was practicing personality development for the betterment of humanity, his life's mission and passion.

It is the goal of this website to keep Dr. K. V. Kaliappan's helping spirit and ideals alive, to enshrine and record for posterity his professional contributions, and serve as a platform to communicate and launch initiatives that work toward the common goal of achieving his vision and mission - change the world for the better, one person(ality) at a time.

[We invite everyone to stay connected with us through email, social media and this website. Please reach out to us if you have an idea to help further our mission, or information about Dr. Kaliappan and his work that you would like to share.]

[Profile and Tributes have been posted.]